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It broke my heart to do it but this weekend my baby, Lamby, who's now 18 months old, got her first real spanking. She's 18th months old now.
We visited a friend's church which is a Family Integrated Church. My 5 and 3 year olds did surprisingly well in the service. They had activities to keep them busy during the parts of the service which did not hold their attention well. My son (3) sat by Jeoff and my daughter (5) sat by me. I can't imagine if I had more than 3 at this point in my life. I dunno, maybe it would have been okay, but I was glad to have my first experience at this church with a small number of children.
Now my 18 mo old, who has become very active, loud, expressive, you name it, went from mommy's lap to daddy's and back, once the sermon began. And when she began to demand going to Daddy after I told her to quiet her voice or not get out of my lap, I chose to go ahead and take her out to the foyer. After that I practiced with her sitting in my lap in the nursing mother's room and she got a little ornery so I popped her the way I do the older kids.
She was very sad and mad at me and I hated the sad look that she gave me. But she needed to know who was boss. After that she leaned on my chess and huffed and puffed and when she tried to do it again, I touched her bottom lightly and said "no no", .... "pop pop" and she immediately stopped. Now that even surprised me! I think if I hadn't been in a setting like that, I may not have exercised that type of discipline until she was much older.
I'm learning that at the toddler stage, I should not only punish when the child has disobeyed a command but also when they have chosen NOT to obey a direct command. How did I miss that in all the books and articles and talks I've heard? I am practicing that with the older ones but hadn't started it with Lamby.
So since yesterday's event I have been giving her specific command that I expect her to obey the first time, like stand up (for me to put her pants on) or sit down (to put on her socks and shoes), get in your high chair, bring me the ball, put your plate in the trash,.... and if she doesn't obey it I exercise some type of discipline.
Again, one of the best things I've read on this topic was the book, The Mother at Home, by John Abbott, written in the 1930s! Check it out or let me know if you've already seen it.
Here are a couple of quotes from the book:
Quote 1 from The Mother at Home by John Abbott
How entirely is your earthly happiness at the disposal of your child! His character is now, in an important sense, in your hands, and you are to form it for good or for evil. If you are consistent in your government, and faithful in the discharge of your duties, your child will probably through life revere you, and be the stay and solace of your declining years. If, on the other hand, you cannot summon resolution to punish your child when disobedient; if you do not curb his passions; if you do not bring him to entire and willing subjection to your authority; you must expect that he will be your curse. In all probability, he will despise you for your weakness. Unaccustomed to restraints at home, he will break away from all restraints, and make you wretched by his life, and disgraceful in his death.
Quote 2 from The Mother at Home by John Abbott
If you love 'momentary ease' better than your children's welfare and your own permanent happiness, you cannot murmur at the lot you have freely chosen. And when you meet your children at the bar of God, and they point to you and say, "It was through your neglect of duty that we are banished from heaven—and consigned to endless woe!" you must feel what no tongue can tell. Ah! it is dreadful for a mother to trifle with duty. Eternal destinies are committed to your trust. The influence you are now exerting will go on, unchecked by the grave or the judgment, and will extend onward through those ages to which there is no end!
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