What You Believe about Life & Marriage?
After a friend asked me some questions, specifically realted to some of the intimate issues in marriage, I wrote the proclamations below when to remind me of the standard that I believe God wants me to have. They help me when situations come up in marriage and in life in general.
I encourage you to write something similar for yourself, and if you don't mind, let me know if you did.
Each of the 4 points, a through d (listed below), build on each other so please read all of them to understand how it relates to intimacy in marriage and meeting needs.
The statements in a proclamation solidify who you are - and it's important to have them written somewhere. It's interesting to go back and read it after you've written it. Especially years later. (You may have already done this. If not, considering doing it. If you have maybe it's time to review and update it.)
Feel free to comment on what I wrote, if you want, and share yours with me when you write it!
I will be updating, editing, and improving mine from time to time..............................
This is what I wrote to my friend
Thank you for even thinking to ask me these questions. I need to hear them as much as possible because they challenge me as well, to look at my own relationship and solidify my convictions and motivations.
So before I comment on the questions, let me first say that there are some general principles that I find helpful in marriage and as a Christian which when I really think about it, can be applied to any situation. Here they are, and mind you, I'm not writing this from an attitude of one who always does this. These are proclamations to remind me of the standard that I believe God wants me to have and I have to work hard daily to press toward it; and attain it!! After you read it, and after you read my comments to the questions, I encourage you to write something similar for yourself. And reread it and rewrite it from time to time, to keep it renewed in your heart and in your spirit. They will help you when almost any situation comes up that you find to be difficult in your marriage, and perhaps in your life as a whole.
a. What is my life for?
As a Christian my life is to be modeled after the life of Jesus Christ. What did Jesus do and what does He want us to do? He served others, He drew strength from the Word and from the Father. He forgave and always sought for others to be healed. He stood for righteousness and truth, and did not waver or compromise those things. In doing all these things, his needs were met, He was fulfilled, he was given the honor that he was due (side note: the honor was given to him by those who were walking in line with the kingdom; he didn't receive honor from those who were not walking in line with the kingdom; but his actions didn't change because of that; He did what He did based on his character, not based on anyone else's actions)
b. What principle of giving do I believe in?
I believe that the Lord desires that I am a giver. A giver of my time, my resources, and my affections. When I give: I should not do it, in order to receive something in return. I should not do it in order to receive thanks or praise. I should not do it because I feel it is a duty or obligation. I should give out of love. If I am finding it difficult to do this out of love, I need to pray and read what the Lord says in the Word about giving and ask Him to give me a change of heart. Just like financial giving, giving in any other area should be done freely and not of necessity. And it should also be done cheerfully.
c. Why am I married?
(If you're not married change this to why do I want to be married or whatever fits your situation. If you're not married and you desire to be, it's important to solidify your expectations and commitments to it)
I am married for several reasons. 1) I "fell in love" with the man I believe God prepared for me. 2) I was destined to be with him and serve him for life 3) We were placed together to accomplish things for the Kingdom of God and to raise Godly children. 4) God uses our marriage to make us holy, not to make us happy 5) Now that we, as husband and wife, have children, our marriage is also designed to be a model before our children, to raise them up in the way of the Lord and to become mature Christians, themselves, to assist them in finding their calling, following their passions, and building strong families in their own right.
d. What is my commitment in my marriage?
(If you're not married change this to what will be my commitment in marriage or whatever fits your situation; or completely omit this section and add a different one which expresses the importance of your role in life, as a Christian)
I am committed to my marriage. That means I am committed to the vow that I have made to the Lord in this Covenant called marriage. That vow to the Lord, includes my vow to my husband to honor and respect him. I honor both the Lord and my husband by fulfilling what the Lord has written in his word about my role as a wife and as a mother. If anything, even a job, is getting in the way of me fulfilling those roles, I need to seek the Lord about ways to remove that which is in the way. If your job outside of the home is in the way, does it need to be removed? For me, that is the case. (More on that, if you're interested in hearing about it).
When I made the covenant of marriage, I became one in the Spirit with God and my husband. Not just with my husband. I understand the God is the only part of the oneness who is perfect. I still got some flesh in me. And my husband still has some flesh in him. The Lord is perfect and he is not wanting, he has no lack. My husband and I are not perfect. We do have lack, we have needs we have to have each other to make up for our imperfections in character (by praying for each another, holding each other accountable, supporting each other, encouraging each other, etc.). We also have to meet the needs that we are designed to meet, for each other - sex, affection, conversation, recreation, financial support, domestic support, etc.
Regardless of where we are lacking, regardless of whatever other stresses and responsibilities that we face in the other areas of our life - whether it's work, children, church, bills, parents, etc - we still have to meet each other's needs.
It's the largest commitment that I will ever make in my life, other than the commitment I made to Jesus Christ, to accept him in my life and walk as his disciple.
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