What's it really like being married?

Part 1 of 4 in a dialogue I recently had with a friend.

Question: What's it really like being married? A lot of my friends have dysfunctional relationships and sometimes i wonder if i want to get married...i do, but its easy being single.

Answer: Regarding the friends with dysfunctional relationships....we have friends like that too and without the Holy Spirit, ours would be!

That's not so say the couples whose marriage ends up suffering do not know the Lord. I'm only sharing what I believe has helped us and still does. Practical things that we have been encouraged to do...and we share that with others in hopes that it would help them as well.

Since we've been married, we've tried to place ourselves around other Christian couples -- for accountability, to give to and receive counsel, and to see that we're not the only ones who have challenges.

Unfortunately, the friends who I've seen that end up REALLY going through and getting separated, or divorced are the ones who did not have that kind of accountability in their lives or had it and lost it (or moved away from it). That's one thing that I have valued about Covenant because they stress that soooo much even the pastors are part of a small group (we call them Life Teams at Covenant).

Disclaimer: For anyone reading this and you are going through a difficult time in your marriage, there is hope. Regardless of what has gone on in the past, the Lord is able to restore. There have been times in our relationship where I felt the situation was impossible (in the natural) to resolve. But when we both surrendered the situation to him, and humbled ourselves before him, He truly became the strength we needed and turned things completely around. He can do the impossible! To the wife who is in a situation that seems to be hopeless, you feel you've surrendered but he has not, I'm not a specialist in that but those who I have know who have faced it --- found great comfort, wisdom, and direction in a good Bible based counselor who walked them through this difficult season of their life. I've seen miracles even in those situations!! Don't give up.

When I said, without the Holy Spirit, our marriage would be dysfunctional.... I said that because we are two stubborn, spoiled, youngest children who like things their way, want to have attention, want to be catered to, don't particulary like correction or people giving advice when we think we have the better answer, aren't QUICK to serve one another, .... the list goes on.

But at the same time, we both Love God, fear God, and honor marriage and our commitment to Him above ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING ELSE. We know that without the Holy Spirit we would have hit or shot each other many times in the past, left and never came back, you name it. (I know that's a little extreme but you get my point.) So to prevent that LOL, we decided at the beginning (with advice given at a premarital session at Preston Wood *highly recommended), --- that we wouldn't let a year go by with out going to some type of marriage conference, retreat, workshop,etc. And we haven't let a year go by without that.

Sometimes we go to three or four. You don't go when you start having major problems, you go to prevent them and learn how to deal with conflicts. One of the conferences we attended, the minister (Jimmy Evans) talked about the importance of depending on the Holy Spirit and how without doing so, we would be the total opposite of what were are called to be.

That's who we give credit to.... the Holy Spirit of God!!

So what's it like? It's tough. But each day we die to ourselves, we add another day of life to our marriage!